And Why Do We Drink?
by Chicleeblair
Summary: Meredith is spending an evening at Joe's with her friends, when Derek enters and things start to shift. One-shot, post Piece of my Heart. Mer/Der.


Meredith was on her way to drunk. It had actually been a very long time since she had really drank. Yes, she'd gone to Joe's with the others, but there had always been a shift the next day, and the clinical trial. But with the next day being her first real day off in a long time, she had ordered three shots right off the bat when she sat down on one of Joe's bar stool.

Believe it or not, and no one seemed to, Meredith could go long periods of time without drinking. The past couple of months had felt rather like med school, when she'd only overindulged on holidays or at parties on weekends after her midterms were over. She had the capabilities. There were just some nights when she liked being drunk. She liked the fact that she was able to push out of her mind the patient that died, the look that Derek had given Rose in the OR and Addison's words. She could just sit with her friends and maybe even laugh a little.

So when Cristina sat down next to her, setting her bag on the floor and watched Meredith toss her head back to down her second shot she put one finger up to make Cristina be quiet until the burning in her throat and the slight spinning had stopped. Then she turned to her friend and smiled "We're having rules tonight." One of Cristina's eyebrows rose. "Tonight we're pretending that I didn't get the sparkly pager, that Hahn doesn't hate you for whatever reason she does. We're not complaining. We're just…. Having a nice night. Okay?"

Cristina shrugged. "Okay."

"Okay?" Meredith repeated. "Okay." She smiled, and nodded to Joe to pour her another shot. "So did you see your number four making gaa-gaa eyes at one of my interns today?"

"I pay no attention to my interns unless I'm telling them to do something for me," Cristina replied with a smirk.

"Good point," Meredith nodded. Things were beginning to seem softer, her eyes felt dry and she rubbed at one with the back of her hand. "Hey Cristina?"

"Yeah?"

"I miss him. I mean, the surgery and the research is great and I'm going for greatness. I'm going to be someone maybe. But… I miss him."

"Yeah. I know"

To Meredith's surprise, and quite possibly Cristina's as well, Cristina put her arm around Meredith's shoulder. It was just for a moment, just long enough for Meredith to rest her head on her friend's shoulder, and then sit up to smile at Joe, but it was long enough.

"'ve missed you too," she admitted, turning one of her empty shot glasss over and over. This one was harder, and it was easier not to look at Cristina. "I mean since the not-hoenymoon it's all been about the contest and the surgery and the no-Derek. But you're my person and I've missed you. And I think… maybe…. Miss me too?"

She looked up to see Cristina looking at her out of the corner of her eye, but the edges of her lips turned up. "Since you have the abandonment issues and you've probably worried about this for weeks then I will admit it. But only for you."

Meredith smiled.

The bells at the entrance to the bar rang, and they looked up. Meredith blinked again, to make sure that she was not hallucinating. Was Joe lacing her tequila with something?

"Bambi, Evil Spawn, Bambi and your sister? What is this?" Cristina muttered. Meredith accepted that she wasn't hallucinating and grinned.

"Alex!" she cried, as he came near. She threw her arms around his neck. It was Alex, her other half in that weird way, and he looked sad. No one really knew that she actually liked hugging people, but only when they needed it, usually when she'd been drinking Otherwise she was too uncomfortable. Didn't hugged enough as a child or something.

Neither did Alex, probably, but he was surprisingly good at the strong squeeze that made her happy. He hugged her and when he let go she kept one hand on his shoulder.

"You look sad," she proclaimed, actually grateful for the alcohol that made her willing to point this out. "Tell me why, or I won't shut up about it."

"Ava left," Alex admitted.

"What about—"

"She wasn't. Joe--"

"Way ahead of you," Joe said, placing a beer in front of the barstool next to Meredith.

"Oh," Meredith murmured. "I'm sorry Alex."

Alex shrugged. Meredith was going to ask him more, but she got distracted by Cristina talking to George and Izzie.

Izzie was smiling, and Meredith coulnd't help but notice the perky, Izzie-like ponytail and the smile that she had not seen in a long time.

"You're happy," she pointed out.

"Yes," Izzie said, with no sarcasm on Meredith's pointing out the obvious which was interesting. "George and I are going to play darts. Lexie?"

Meredith had kind of forgotten about Lexie, who was standing just behind George. Maybe she was getting used to her.

"I'll be there in a second," Lexie said, stealing the barstool next to Meredith that Alex had not actually sat down on yet. He glared a little bit, but took his beer and sat next to her.

"Okay, Mer?" Lexie asked, stealing the full shot glass that Meredith hadn't had time to drink yet.

"That was mine. And yes, I'm fine."

"I'll pay for it. You're way ahead of me anyway." Lexie smiled, and Meredith surprised herself by smiling back at her.

/ / / /

Meredith was definitely drunk. Definitely.

"Definitely," she murmured to herself, resting an elbow on the bar and her head on her hand. She glanced over to see George and Izzie and Cristina playing darts. Cristina was winning, but Meredith hadn't seen her brag yet. It was progress. Alex and Lexie were dancing. Lexie's line of shot glasses was one or two less than Meredith's, but it was still impressive.

"'s like the old days, isn't it?" she asked Joe, when he came by to mop up a spill.

"Yeah. How I like it, I don't know about you."

Meredith nodded, a loose smile on her face. "Hey Alex!" she called. "Dance with me!"

Alex looked over and nodded as the song ended. Lexie slid onto the stool, her hair a mess, her smile glowing. Meredith leaned in and kissed her sister on the cheek. She'd never done that before, not to anyone, but it felt right.

"Share him with me?" she asked quickly, as Alex took her hand.

"He's not mine," Lexie said quickly, loudly, "Have at him."

Meredith put her other hand around Alex's wrist as he led her to the dance floor. Dancing, her arms were around his waist, her back to him as they moved to the music.

" Are you screwing my sister again?" she asked. "Not that I want to screw you, I definitely do not. But I feel like I should know these things."

"Nope," Alex said, and Meredith giggled as his breath tickled her neck. She was very glad that his arms were around her waist, she felt a little bit like she might pitch forward if they were not, but hse liked the hazy feeling at the back of her mind, that kept everything but the music and the moving out of her mind.

She felt her body become fluid, she moved without thinking about it. She wasn't a good dancer, a part of her knew that, but she did not care that much at the moment. It felt good.

A thought occurred to her, and before the next song she pulled Alex to the bar to toss back another shot. "Hey Lexie!" she exclaimed. "I haven't seen your apartment. I should. Some time. Don't know when. I'm never off. But some time."

"Definitely!" Lexie agreed, nodding fervently. "George, will you dance with me?" She asked, as he returned to the bar to get a beer. "Please?" he nodded, and then She and Meredith and Alex and George were dancing.

Meredith giggled loudly as Alex turned her and she almost fell into Lexie. Lexie's head knocked into hers and they both became almost helpless with laughter.

"You okay?" Lexie asked.

"Yeah, except that you hit my head with your head!" Meredith exclaimed, emphasizing the last word, to get her point across. "But it's okay 'cause we're drunk."

She felt the vibrations as Alex laughed against her and then heard a voice that made her whip around so quickly that if it weren't for Alex holding onto her she would have landed on the floor.

"May I cut in?" Derek asked Alex.

Alex met Meredith's eyes. She was entirely too drunk to make this decision and somehow she was nodding and it was Derek's familiar arms around her waist.

"Okay, Mer?" Lexie asked quietly, but Meredith barely had time to nod before her sister was led away by George to the table where Izzie and Cristina were sitting near the dartboard. If she were more sober Meredith would have thought about the fact that Izzie and Cristina weren't arguing.

But Derek's arms were around her waist.

"Derek. I'm not sober enough to talk about surgeries. And that's all we've been talking about. So…" she trailed off, not really sure what came after so. She was aware that she was still dancing a little. And she stumbled, and Derek's hands held her tightly and she didn't fell.

"You are very far from sober," he agreed.

"Shouldn't you be with Plant?"

"Plant?"

"Oh, shit. You weren't supposed to know Cristina calls her that. I wasn't supposed to tell you."

"I won't tell." Derek smiled. "I wanted to tell you this earlier but… the time was not right. Rose and I broke up. She wasn't…. she wasn't you Meredith."

The lights behind her were too damn distracting for her to really understand what Derek had just said. They pulsed red and purple and… "Does that mean… you liked me better or? Or I don't know. Because you hurt me. I was ready."

"Can you ever be ready again?"

It was blunt. Meredith bit her lip, and they stood still. He reached a hand up to push her bangs out of her eyes. She took the hand and placed it firmly on her waist again.

And then the room spun.

"Fuck," she murmured, putting a hand to her forehead, then resting her head on Derek's chest, both hands going around the back of her neck. Dizzy was not good. Dizzy meant bad things were to follow.

"Dizzy?" Derek murmured, and it occurred ot her how well he knew her.

She murmured consent, and he supported her, leading her to a booth and sitting her down. Her head went into her hands of it's own accord as the dizzy subsided and she was suddenly aware that he wasn't there. Then he was.

"You left," she accused. Then her head was heavy again. His face was sideways as he crouched in front of her, his eyes crinkled in a soft smile.

"I came back. I told Alex that I'm taking you home."

"Wise choice. He doesn't hate you." Meredith told him. "Or not much. Or knows it doesn't matter. Or something." She felt the room start to turn again, and she moaned softly. "'m sorry I'm drunk when we have an import'nt con'ersation to have," she told him, as he gently slid in behind her. "'Specially since you're being so nice to me."

"Not a problem."

They were quiet for a minute. Meredith reached a hand up and put it on Derek's chest and breathed steadily until the dizzy stopped.

"Meredith? Can you walk if I help you? And we'll go to my car?"

"Can try."

"Okay. I'll get your jacket." He sat up, and Meredith tried her hardest to stay sitting up until he got back, but she found that soon his hand was on her shoulder and her head was on her arms. Part of it was that she was very tired, aside from the drunk.

He helped her on with her coat, and put one hand across her front, the other taking her hand. She leaned her head against his shoulder and couldn't help but feel comforted and safe in his arms. She hated the dizzy, but it was almost, almost worth it to have him supporting her this much.

"Steps, Mer."

"Is she all right?" Meredith opened her eyes, to see Lexie, holding George's hand as they ascended the steps close to Meredith and Derek.

"I'm fine, Lex," Meredith said, wondering why she was reassuring the other woman. "Just drunk."

"It happens," Lexie said, nodding seriously, and then laughing. "Derek's holding you, you know."

"Yeah," Meredith acknowledged, as they went out into the cool air. "Is that a good idea?"

"I think so, but I'm just the drunk, estranged half-sister so what do I know?"

for some reason, this was funny, and Meredith was laughing. And then she wasn't because there was dizzy again and then—

She managed to miss everyone's shoes when she threw up, which she considered a feat. When it stopped she felt tears in her eyes. "Sorry," she murmured. Derek pushed a wisp that had fallen out of her ponytail away from her face and smiled.

"You're okay, Meredith," he told her.

She put her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck. Her throat burned, but she felt suddenly more aware. "I can be ready," she murmured, then quickly lurched back, falling on one knee and retching again.

A minute later, Derek gently picked her up, and put her in the car. She rested her head against the window as he came around, buckled her in and backed out.

"I'm sorry. I haven't drank this much in a long time and it all hit me at once," she said quietly.

"Meredith, don't worry, okay? It's okay. I'd do anything for you. And hey, I deserve the worst you can throw at me for the idiot I've been."

Meredith smiled. "Yeah," she agreed.

They pulled up to her house. When Derek opened her door and helped her stand, she put her arms around his neck. "I like hugs," she whispered. "Especially with you."

He helped her walk in, but the dizzy came back at the stairs, so he picked her up and carried her to her room. She changed into her pajamas with some support, tossing her clothes all over the place.

"I have to pee," she announced once she pulled the bottoms on. "I'm okay. There's yours in the bottom drawer."

"My what?"

"Pajamas. You're staying right? So I don't decide this was a dream?"

"Sure," he said.

She nodded, and made her way determinedly to the bathroom, neither of them commenting on the fact that his pajamas were still in her bedroom.

When she lay down next to him, his arms went around her and she folded his hands into hers.

/ / / /

When she woke up, it was far too early. Her head ached in that deep way only brought on by hangovers, and she had to pee—again, but when she felt Derek's arms around her waist she paused, letting exactly what happened the night before hit her.

Unlike so many other nights when she woke up with the burning after-taste of Jose Curevo in the back of her mouth, she did not have any regrets, not even as she replayed the night moment by moment. And maybe none of it would last. She and Derek had some conversations to have. Izzie, George and Cristina would have new problems soon enough. But progress with Lexie was good.

And Derek's arms were around her waist.

"Hey," she murmured, knowing that he would have forgotten the earplugs, would be awake.

"Hey," he replied. "How do you feel?"

She rolled over, meeting his smiling eyes. "Like I actually made a good decision last night."

"I'm not sure Joe's parking lot appreciated it."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Not that, you egotistical man. My good decision, and I do make some, was not running away from you."

"Well," Derek said, thoughtfully. "I'm not sure you would have made it too far without falling into a ditch somewhere."

Knowing full well that she should have been offended by that, Meredith laughed. Maybe things would be okay in the end.


End file.
